a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
