My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
