Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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