We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
