I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.