totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
