Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.

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(407): I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up. http://tfl.nu/laen

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow

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(774): im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow http://tfl.nu/d8ac

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(214): View more from Texas

No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"

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(214): No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/qrpo

Replies (11) Good night (4486) Bad night (1020)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes

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(313): I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes http://tfl.nu/9zua

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(703): View more from Virginia

You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.

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(703): You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am. http://tfl.nu/rcus

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(206): View more from Washington

it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"

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(206): it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting" http://tfl.nu/ix3k

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(313): View more from Michigan

well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".

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(313): well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory". http://tfl.nu/k9y0

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses

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(704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses http://tfl.nu/b9lj

Replies (1) Good night (1315) Bad night (1048)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?

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(704): Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that? http://tfl.nu/6433

Replies (0) Good night (1548) Bad night (472)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse

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(252): The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse http://tfl.nu/x8q4

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(817): View more from Texas

Post-sex nachos deserve a song.

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(817): Post-sex nachos deserve a song. http://tfl.nu/enl8

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(716): View more from New York

He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.

(585): View more from New York

Find him and marry him.

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(716): He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night. (585): Find him and marry him. http://tfl.nu/d6kn

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I drink to make the karaoke go away.

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(610): I drink to make the karaoke go away. http://tfl.nu/0jio

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(917): View more from New York City

SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH

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(917): SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH http://tfl.nu/uo9d

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(512): View more from Texas

You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.

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(512): You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor. http://tfl.nu/8xpn

Replies (1) Good night (972) Bad night (217)

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