it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
