He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
