I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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