Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
