I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
