Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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