I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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