Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
