dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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