I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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