The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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