My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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