u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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