Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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