the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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