Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize