Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
