I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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