Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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