Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
