Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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