pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
