they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
MIDGETS
????
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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