i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
