if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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