nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
