Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
