Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
