Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
