it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This beer is not sobering me up at all
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
