i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
