I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
