I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
