i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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