I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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