We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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