It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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