Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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