capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
