So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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