Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
