I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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