I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
