i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
