If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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