Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
