Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
