i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
