life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
