I got chris browned last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She even gives head with a lisp.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
