My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
