im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
