This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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