My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
