If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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