it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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