I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
