I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
