@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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