I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
